So, its been a nice effort on my part, but I've realized its time for me to get out. A lot of stuff has happened in my real life that has, effectively, stopped me from functioning on SL on any level. I no longer do anything productive, nor do I have any drive. To start this off, I'm going to explain it all. I feel everyone in Ordo has made me feel welcome and like a comrade, and Aryte and officers have been far more patient then they ever needed to be. I feel everyone has the right to know, uninterested or not. Earlier in the year, much earlier, I broke my leg. Football was the cause of this, and I lost my starting position, as well as my Scholarship. I came back in the middle of the season, but was never able to come back with the proper agility, speed, or strength in my legs to get back to where I was needed. Off-season came around and I worked hard to get my spot back, and I thought I was going to sucessfully doing it. While working out, my leg snapped under me when I was powerlifting. This is about the time I joined Ordo, and I embraced Ordo as something to do while my leg healed. It healed again, and I jumped back onto football. I told everyone that I was needing to have a little less activity, and Aryte and others understood and accepted this. Time went by normally, Spring Ball, little Ordo here and there, enjoyed some good fights and I especially liked training the new recruits. (Or, at least, helping their Combat sessions.) Then the bad times hit. Begining of June, my sister was hit by a car. This damaged her spine, and she went into surgery. I was at work, and immediately left. Some of you know and some of you don't, that my sister lived with me. I had a little apartment that me and a friend paid for and lived in, and she got to have what would be my room and I slept on a couch. I eventually got a nice, cushiony matress. In any case, my sister went into surgery, and the doctors did not properly sedate her or give her enough painkillers. She awoke in the middle, and they were forced to knock her out again, stitch her up, recover themselves and the area and then go in again. I was in the hospital by this time, as was my mother, and nobody knew what was going to happen. She came out, and that was when I got to see her for the first time. I won't be cliche' and say, "None of you know what its like..." because I'm sure everyone has. What I will say is that it never changes - I walked into the E.R, and I can't really remember.. Critical Treatment and Rehabilitation or something. In any case, walking into the room where my vibrant sister was sitting on a bed, wires connected through her throat and nose, blood being drawn, bruises and scratches, and she's unable to even know I'm there. My sister didn't wake up until days after the surgery, and I didn't sleep / go away for a moment she was not concious. She woke up, and now she's with my mother, living in a one-roomed building that doesn't hurt her. We were lucky, because we found out she had a severe case of Scoliosis that they fixed as well, and despite it all she's taller, and is walking and talking again. But it was a torturous couple of days / week. My father and I got in another fight, and he stopped assisting me in my payment for college. We had a disagreement over what I was going to do when I graduated. Cliche' story of father and son disagreeing. I'm not claiming its anything special, but since then I've been forced to downgrade to a much less expensive apartment, a worse internet, a worse computer, no TV, so on. Been forced to sell the better, and now I have bare essentials. My father also took away my older brother's money, though for different reasons I won't go into. My brother is perhaps the smartest guy in the world - straight A's, every award in Highschool, Presidential Award, etc, etc. He's at Berkley, trying to get into Med School. He can do a lot more good then I can - this isn't me saying, "He's worth more then me." But I'm going to enlist, probably, do something I enjoy, and he'll save cancer one day. Well, one of them. While my sister was still learning to walk again, my mother's house was broken into. Somebody stole some private items, clothing, jewlery, so on. After this was reported and I fixed the locks and doors, they came again. This was repeated, until we wondered if there was perhaps a stalker. Sure enough, eventually he peed in my mother's mouthwash, making her "drink part of himself". We got it tested, to find it was the guy across the street. I stayed at my mother's house for some time, to make sure nothing else happened. My mother's boyfriend was a construction worker, and during this time of "stalking", he was at work. He wasn't necessarily a construction worker, he was the guy that drives the trucks that puts the cement into designated places. He died one day in a work-related incident, because he took off his hardhat and a crane dropped one of the braces that gets cemented into place. I don't think a hardhat would have done anything, but none the less, somebody who had been more of a father figure to me then my own suddenly died, leaving my mother forced to work again and more. This forced me to take different jobs. I upgraded my job as a casual Waiter at Chiles to being a Bartender, and when I wasn't working there I worked nights as a Gas Station Attendent at Shell. So I began working my ass off, giving my money to my brother and mother and all that wonderful stuff. And then the recent bombshell. Two days ago I was online on one of my few, wonderful breaks, mixing time between Eve Online and Second Life, where I got a phone call from the police. Apparantly, I was on an ex-girlfriends emergency contact number (in Texas, you can not only have this established and printed, but put it on the back of your Lisence). Police had found her dead, and she was six months pregnant. This was unknown to me, because we had not talked for about five or six months (obviously). None the less, she was pregnant, now dead, and the baby with her. We don't know if the baby is mine, because protection is my friend, but not only does the time limit fit, but her diary, me on her lisence, etc, fit the bill. One other man has been posted as a possible father and we've both given DNA samples and should know in a few days. Her parents didn't know she was pregnant, but they did let me read her diary to see that there's a few "I think I'll tell hims", without a name. My biggest problem here is that there is a possibility of a crime, of a nature I don't want to speak about, that ended in both hers and the unborn child's death. Now, I'm already nearly convinced I'm the father, so I'm crushed to an extent that I'm on anti-depressants, just got fired from my bartending job for an inability to control myself (this was later changed to an "Indefinite Leave of Absense" until I am better). I'm going to have to go to a second funeral in as many months, I'm going to have to bury what would be MY baby boy, I'm going to have to name him, look at all the teddy bears, clothes, toy trucks that were bought for him.. I have absolutely no control over myself right now. So I have completely hit the most depressing, lowest, crushing point in my life with an inability to feel as if there is sometihng worth doing. I don't know if I'm going to go back to college next semester, or what I'm going to go. But I have opened myself up completely more here then I have ever done, so I don't think, knowing this, anybody is suprised. I doubt anyone's suprised over my lack of activity now, too. I'm leaving SL, and thus Ordo, resigning because it is something I have to do. I need to keep moving forward, I need to move on in my life and get past something that is holding me back. I met great people in Second Life, I made good friends and I'll try to keep in touch when situations demand. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I want you all to know that I consider you all brothers (and the few of you that are female, sisters) and friends. One person in Ordo has my cellphone number, and there are a few of you I wouldn't mind hearing from. I'll let that person use her greater judgement on giving out my number, because I won't be here long enough to give it out. Conclusion being, thank you all for the memories and the good times, and the companionship and comradeship. It was a pleasure to both serve you and with you.
