Pirates of Penzance!

[Tiridates Mikadze]

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral

I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical

From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical

I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical

About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus

I know the scientific names of beings animalculous

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

He is the very model of a modern Major-General

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's

I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox

I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus

In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies

I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes

Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinapinafore

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform

And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

He is the very model of a modern Major-General

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"

When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin

When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at

And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery

When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery

In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy

You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee

You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee

You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee

You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a sat a gee

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury

Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

I am the very model of a modern Major-General

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral

He is the very model of a modern Major-General

[Cygna]

tl;dr?

For n00bs: Too long; didn't read version?