Funny/Odd Stories From Work

[DamionStJames Webb]

This thread is devoted to telling those funny stories from work, anything from random streakers coming through a wall mart, to people getting stuck in the air vent while trying to break in to rob you kind of stories. I'll start by sharing a few of my own

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The Half-Assed Customer

While working at McDonalds, I once had to service a man who walked in wearing Only a Tank top and some sneakers. There he was, his glory flopping in the wind, and I was going to tell him he had to leave, but we couldn't since our sign only reads "No Shirt, No Shoes: No Service."

The Sleeper I

Still while working at McDonald's, I was working a swing shift, I remember when I came in at 2pm that day, there was a man sitting in the corner of the lobby right next to the restrooms, where a wall separated him from our back-area. So he had this nice little nook. I saw him lay his head down and look like he was going to take a nap. Now McDonald's in Portland has a 30 minute policy on the lobby, unless you're actively eating.

Now I had a busy day that day and I wasn't able to get out of drive-through for several hours, about 4. Well I went to sweep the lobby, and sure enough there's the sleeper, in the exact SAME position as I saw him when I clocked on. So I used my headset-to-headset coms to let my manager Kevin know. He said "Where is he?" and I said. "Right next to the ice machine on the other side of the wall." So I was treated to this nice split view, where on one side of the wall, Kevin was pulling a dolly of buns aside and positioning himself, while on the other wall the sleeper was all peaceful and dreaming.

Then Kevin started pounding on the wall, as the man nearly jumped out of his pants, and stood up, with that unmistakeably "I just woke up and it sucks" face. He looked at me and said "I was just resting my eyes..." as I said "Yeah right" and escorted him out, but was nice enough to comp him a coffee black.

The Sleeper II

This one is probably among my absolute favorite McDonald's stories. I was on drive through overnight, so it was about 1-2 in the morning I can't recall exactly. Then this woman came through my drive through. She sounded happy and cheerful and she had a good voice. Our conversation went a bit like this:

"Welcome to McDonald's: How can I take your order this morning?"

"Oh hi thank you! Here let me take a quick look."

"No problem, take your time."

(30 seconds of silence)

"Okay I want a Big Mac, Large Coke, and Um..............(40 odd some seconds of silence followed by) **BLARING CAR HORN IN EAR**"

After having my ear nearly blasted off by the car-horn, I set down my headset and could hear the car horn coming through my window and through the headset. Sadly since our drive through was a wrap-around kind I didn't have clear Line of sight to the car. So I decided to ask my manager if I should go outside to check on her. After getting it, I went outside and found her asleep with her face against the steering wheel, almost like she'd just up and died and collapsed against the wheel. I politely knocked on the hood of her car and she snapped awake, and apologized profusely for falling asleep and said she didn't know what happened. I went back inside and took the order and had her pull around.

So this should at most take 10 seconds. Well I went to grab my notebook, to write down the order since at 1 our computers shut down and we had to write the orders down. Well after I got it I came back to find her at my back booth, asleep in her car again. I reached out and knocked on the roof of her car and she woke, apologizing again . I took her money and gave her her change, and said to pull forward to the next booth. Mind you this is only about 25 feet she has to pull forward. I waked from the back booth, collected the prepared big mac, bagged it, and had made the soda. I went to look out the Front Booth window and she was no where to be seen. I looked back and saw that she was halfway there, her car rolling forward and her asleep. at this point we just helped push her car into the nearest parking spot, called her a cab and had her car toed home.

Sexual Favors I

Well for you to understand this story (without details) I had hooked up with this guy at a Bath House in Portland. After we'd had out night together I was rather infatuated. I told him where I worked and to visit me any time. Well he picked up on this rather quick, and came through drive through with like 3 other guys that were all over him like he was some kind of Eros or something. He pulls up to my window and hits on me, and says "Hey you were good, so how about you hook me up and hook me and my tricks tonight up with some free food?"

Needless to say I was rather jilted and upset. I said "No I can't do that." He kept persisting however, telling me that after the night of passion I should hook him up. I told him that I couldn't even give my own mother a "hook up" for food, and I didn't have that authority.

Getting desperate, he asked "Well what about a free soda?". It was about that time, I got that evil grinch like look on my face. Early in the month I'd asked my manager Derrik for a soda since I'd been on drive through all night long with nothing to drink and I was getting dehydrated. So being an ass, he gave me a soda water instead, since that was "soda". It was nasty and vile tasting and I was rather pissed. This scene popped into my head as I decided Carma is a bitch. I said with a grin. "Sure just pull forward."

So I went to the 24,000 dollar automatic soda machine and qued up 4 soda waters. Derrik who was on duty that night, asked what I was doing. I explained to him that they asked for Free soda, and I was "giving it to them". He grinned and said "Go for it."

So I handed out the completed sodas and the jerk in the front seat looked at his and said "Sweet thanks!" and the car pulled forward. Before it pulled out, the car slams on it's breaks, and for a few breif moments nothing happened. But then four windows roll down and four sodas fly out their windows before the car peals out.

I loled.

Sexual Favors II

This is among the more Bizzare things that has ever happened to me on drive through. Once more it was graveyard shift, and about 3 am. I hear a woman order, and I take her order. In the background there were other women laughing and giggling, so i thought to myself a bunch of co-eds or something like that.

...boy was I wrong...

What pulled up was a sedan being driven by a cross dressing woman dressed up as a circus ringmaster complete with red suit jacket, top hat, parachute trooper pants, and riding boots topping off the look with a penciled on black mustache. In the back seat were 3, 3/4's nude women of a Chinese appearance, all of which engaging in various acts of sex in the back seat.

I :o 'ed

I couldn't say anything, my jaw dropped and the woman behind the driver's seat reaches out and runs a finger under my chin. "Like what you see? They're my lesbian whores, I'm their pimp. I'm sure we could work something out."

I just stammered as I watched something out of Girls Gone Wild happening in my drive through, 3 feet away from me. Now, my manager comes up from behind and witnesses the scene. Dana, was a 325 Black body builder, and a huge lesbian to boot. I feel her grab me by the collar and nearly throw me across the room saying

"This isn't a job for you, go....go clean the walk-in or something, Dana's got dis one...why HELLO! How can I be of service!!"

[Rei Kuhr]

I already have a work story thread up :|

[Devastator Bluebird]

i had the very first work story thread :|