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Kovino Firehawk

Funny/Epic Media thread!

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Keep it Titan, Ordo, or SL related <3





Close-up of my boombox.


The Rape-Ape




My hat to date. Firefox is on top holding a Little girl with downs syndrome, Aryte is on my left ear holding a Little girl with downs syndrome brand suitcase, and Agares is on my right ear getting pissed at anyone who mentions snowmews. Coming soon is an Arohk doll, a Huttser doll/earring, and a Heather doll :3 Also getting Ethan to hopefully make a doll of himself in the cockpit of *insert plane here* to spin around my hat.

Edited by Kovino Firehawk

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So, after this I decided to make one of these.

Keep it civil, keep it clean.


In the 1990s I was managing the snowmaking department and supervised the crew for a popular ski resort. We worked 7pm - 7 am and by our first break (about 10pm) everything in our area was closed so you had to bring your lunch, snacks or anything else or you were up shit creek.

We had a new hire named Nino who was a huge Samoan guy. Nino was a damn hard worker when he wasn't drunk. He showed up several times completely trashed and I'd send him home. (employee housing which was within crawling distance) This really didn't bother me because we had a badass crew and the slack was easily picked up.

Sometimes it was more trouble than it was worth having him there because of the crazy shit he would do. Once, he drained a water line that held about 7500 gallons right onto the middle of a popular intermediate run. It was 6am when I discovered the massive glacier he had created. I had to go get a grooming cat and attempt to break it up before we opened. I roped off the area and finished clearing the ice at about 11am, well after opening. I covered for his ass because I felt bad for him and told the hill manager that it was a busted hose that caused it. This was strike 1 for him.

Strike 2 was when he decided it would be ok to try clean the inside of every grooming cat interior with lemon pledge. Seats, hand controls and all, including the windows. It took 3 hours to clean up that waxy, hazy shit.

Strike 3 was one of the most WTF incidents I have ever seen in the workplace. Nino showed up for work sober for once but started asking if anyone had any food. He hasn't been to the store and had nothing in his shack in employee housing. At lunch (midnightish) he was nowhere to be found and didn't show up when the break was over. We chalked it up to him going somewhere to get drunk.

At about 4am I'm the only snowmaker near the main lodge at the bottom of the mountain when I hear an explosion somewhere near one of the chairlifts. I head towards where I heard this explosion and it was not a pop. Or a bang. It was a window shattering, car alarm tripping explosion. As I near the area where I heard this blast come from I see the flashlights from the security guards waving in all directions. I get to the chairlift and see this large naked man covered in what looks like shit and blood is flowing from his face. As I dismount my snowmobile I realize its Nino. He's standing there naked and badly hurt. He starts screaming at me to help as he covers his face. There are Ffffing chili beans everywhere. I see the security guards running towards us and I'm on my radio with first aid getting the emts on the way.

I'm trying to look at Nino and calm him down. His face is a mess of blood, glass chili beans and a corn chip shaped piece of sheet metal embedded in the side of his head. The security guys are here now and they're as bewildered as I am. We get Nino down to the day lodge deck where we lay him down on a rubber door mat. Emts show up and get him packaged for transport.

As I go to leave the day lodge I notice there are chili beans all over the place, little clusters here and there, chili beans on the roof, windows and peppered all over the snow. I follow the intensity of the bean blast to the main chairlift nearest the lodge.

The "lift shack" which is the indoor control room for thar chairlift (for you non skiers/boaders out there) looks like it had been bombed. This isn't some old 1950s plywood lift shack either, this is a multi million dollar high speed quad "lift shack". The windows are gone. The door is hanging on by only it's lower hinge. Chili beans everywhere. And blood. It smelled like Taco Bell and burnt electronics. That fried amp smell, with cheese. The control panel is missing knobs and LCD panels are shattered. The 3x5" aluminum window frame was blown out and laying on the ground in the loading area of the lift. Whatever happened here was big.

The lift was shut down until they could repair it. I went to visit Nino at a nearby hospital. He tells me it goes down like this:

He was looking for food so He went to he lodge and found a can of chili beans by the kitchen loading dock. Nino couldn't get in to cook them so he decides to go to the liftshack and see if they had a microwave in there (which many did). His clothes were wet so He turned on the heater and hung his clothes up to get dry while He ate. There wasn't a microwave in there but finds an old space heater. This was a 1970s exposed element (like a toaster) heater. I had used it myself hundreds of times in the past and it kicked ass. Well Nino turns the heater onto its back and places the 3 GALLON can of chili beans on it, apparently unopened. Nino plops his naked ass into one of the chairs as his beans cook and his clothes dry.

Nino falls asleep.

Chili beans everywhere. He can't hear, his eyes are swollen shut and he has a piece of metal in his head. He then tells me he didn't know where he was or how he got there. He said he couldn't even remember who he was. Nino must have been out for a minute because it took me a couple to get to him and he was still in Narnia when I approached him that night.

I didn't really have to fire him. I don't think I legally could under the circumstances anyways. Nino never came back. He left all his shit in his employee shack and didn't even come to pick up his last check.

TL:DR - Almost death by chili beans.

Snowmaker falls asleep naked in a lift shack with the heater on and a huge can of unopened chili beans on it. Chili beans explode and demolishes chairlift control room and almost kills naked snowmaker with shrapnel/concussion. (Snowmaker had disrobed to dry his wet clothes.)

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