RazorFox Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 FOX Files Follow Up: Salem, Illinois Fighting.List of things to do around here, apparently:-Skateboard-Get drunk-Smoke weed-Video games-Church-Authentic drive-in movie theater-Punch each other in the face Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scientific Waffle Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 Are you proud of an upcoming teen rally? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorFox Posted May 27, 2010 Author Share Posted May 27, 2010 Are you proud of an upcoming teen rally?If I could burn this idiotic meth-addled hick town to the fucking ground and get away with it, I'd do it in a heartbeat.See, you know this place is boring and fucking ignorant because they started off the piece with "EVERYONE IN SALEM IS TALKING ABOUT FOX 2 NEWS" because a news story featuring this town is the most exciting thing that's happened here since Salem native William Jennings Brian ran for president for the third time unsuccessfully in 1908. FOX's story beats out the invention of Miracle Whip at Max Crosset's Cafe in 1931 on the exciting thing meter, as well as the last Tea Party rally held across the street from the courthouse. The GI Bill of Rights is also somehow attributed to Salem but I'm really not sure where that connection is being made.Salem has a population of 7909 as of the 2000 Census, although I think the population has decreased since then due to the economy. The town's population is 97.13% white. This is the whitest place I have ever seen. If I don't leave town for a month, I'll run across maybe one person of color or ethnicity.So FOX 2 comes to town from St. Louis and does a story about the 30 or so kids that go to the park and punch each other for shits and giggles. I've actually attended one of these fights. I was skateboarding over at the skatepark and all these kids start going off into the woods and I'm hearing about a fight so I go out there and it's literally exactly as described by the story. Two kids take pot shots at each other while people stand around and tape it with their phones. I just kind of stood around and watched because it was actually pretty entertaining. It was a fat kid up against some slightly taller, slightly more muscular kid. The fat kid lost I think.I know most of the people in this piece. At one point during the video, you can see a kid in a black t-shirt leaning against a white van. That's Micah Crippin, younger brother of Mark Crippin, who I used to buy weed from back when I smoked. The hair stylist that talked about FOX being in town is Abby Meador, who I believe is related to Kip Meador, who runs a home improvement company here and is one of my dad's beer buddies. At one point you see a Salem Police SUV. That's the only SUV the Salem PD has and it's driven by officer Jeff Mount who gave me a ticket for going 50 in a 35 zone when I was 17. Salem High School Superintendent Brad Detering is kind of a dick and the students call him "3-D" because he only has three fingers on one hand (two of them were torn off in a water skiing accident). Rygads coined him a newer, but still less oft-used nickname, "Control-alt-deletering," which I think is funnier. Detering also called the cops on me and Rygads because we once set up some speakers in one of the park pavilions and started playing rave music really loud, and the park is across the street from the high school.The "new" skate park has been around for a few years. We that use it were promised an additional halfpipe if the skatepark was kept clean. The park was kept clean and the city spent the stimulus money on adding a bunch of waterslides and shit to the city pool and calling it the "Salem Aquatic Center."So yeah. That's what's up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiridates Mikadze Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 Hey, do you have any real Illinois Nazis there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorFox Posted May 27, 2010 Author Share Posted May 27, 2010 Hey, do you have any real Illinois Nazis there?Yes, yes we do, actually. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsume Xiao Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 Yes, yes we do, actually.Glad I didn't have to meet any of them... Though the quotes were still hilarious!"Oh! Are you a Jewish?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorFox Posted May 27, 2010 Author Share Posted May 27, 2010 Glad I didn't have to meet any of them... Though the quotes were still hilarious!"Oh! Are you a Jewish?""Oh, we had a seder at church once for Passover, it was pretty fun! o3o" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zacharias Bardasch Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Can I visit? :> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorFox Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 Can I visit? :>Maybe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agares Tretiak Posted May 29, 2010 Share Posted May 29, 2010 xxxxxxxxxxx, KansasMaybe one of the few places in the world where, if some terrible calamity (Tornado, earthquake, exterminatus, burning down in a fire, getting hit by a nuclear weapon, inhabitants turned into slaves, etc.) occurred, I'd say "Oh. Good. Any survivors?" And have a -wonderful- month.It's main attractions: Xenophobia, bigotry, misogynistic culture, "You ain't from around here, are ye, boy?" syndrome, "You got purdy lips..." syndrome, and the largest collection of assholes and internecine politics ever to grace the earth. Also, Tiri and I theorize that at some point in the past, the town had some sort of dark cult/miniature civil-war/killing of large numbers of people/publicly hung/executed a government officer and then covered it up in a town wide conspiracy. We believe it may have occurred outside of the now abandoned, and incredibly creepy "Old Hospital". Also a minor geological anomaly.More than half the guys at the high school partake in a ritualistic form of homosexuality, though they pass it off as "male bonding". The girls at the school know this, and imbibe large quantities of drugs and/or alcohol. The guys most get drunk, after their "male bonding" sessions and try not to look awkwardly at one another, like some of the scenes from Brokeback Mountain, but even lamer dialog. Outsiders are regularly crucified in the town square. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trinity Heckroth Posted May 30, 2010 Share Posted May 30, 2010 Zrazor. I'm coming to visit you. Seriously. We'll rave it up in the park. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorFox Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 Zrazor. I'm coming to visit you. Seriously. We'll rave it up in the park.You can watch me skateboard too! :D...I'm not that good at skating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ribena Homewood Posted May 31, 2010 Share Posted May 31, 2010 Ah, the beautiful place that is America.Where rednecks are . . rednecks. And where scrawny teenagers can't throw a straight punch. <3Don't mind me, I'm just saying that England > America. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorFox Posted May 31, 2010 Author Share Posted May 31, 2010 Ah, the beautiful place that is America.Where rednecks are . . rednecks. And where scrawny teenagers can't throw a straight punch. <3Don't mind me, I'm just saying that England > America.Yeah, in England, kids congregate in the park and have heated discussions regarding the state of things in the subcontinent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Ansar Posted June 1, 2010 Share Posted June 1, 2010 Yeah, in England, kids congregate in the park and have heated discussions regarding the state of things in the subcontinent.As i remember hearing in an old episode of family guy:"They never have any violence in England! the most they have is drive-by....arguements."Oh Wimbledon......I DISAGREE! *Screeeeeeeech* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorFox Posted June 1, 2010 Author Share Posted June 1, 2010 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAMfCG6nn1w Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trinity Heckroth Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Oh Reginald......I DISAGREE! *Screeeeeeeech*fix'dZrazor, we can go to the skate park in TRIPP pants and sit around flipping our hair and looking pissed at the world. It'll be fun! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorFox Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 fix'dZrazor, we can go to the skate park in TRIPP pants and sit around flipping our hair and looking pissed at the world. It'll be fun!You can't skate in Tripp pants. It's impossible. D: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ribena Homewood Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Oh shit, I forgot that Ordo's like 90% American. I lose. Damn you, Zrazor. Damn youuuu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RazorFox Posted June 3, 2010 Author Share Posted June 3, 2010 Oh shit, I forgot that Ordo's like 90% American. I lose. Damn you, Zrazor. Damn youuuu. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sera Otoro Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 most of the teens in the UK just hand out by cornershops with cans of beer, wearing hoodies and try to act like gangsters... and beat up elderly people for small change...if i was able to own a gun, shoot them and get away with it, i would be doing that every day... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trinity Heckroth Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 if i was able to own a gunGod bless America. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
