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RazorFox

A Festivus for the rest of us!

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Sent this to Aryte in a notecard, reposted here at his request.

Dearest Mr. Vesperia,

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that December 23rd marks a sacred day on the Costanzaist calendar: Festivus. I feel that the Ordo Imperialis should honor this holiday, which dates all the way back to 1997, and is as steeped in tradition as the Ordo itself.

I therefore propose plans for a Festivus in Titan that would include the following:

-A Festivus pole (taken care of)

-The Festivus dinner, traditionally comprised of ham or turkey (or both!), a cake encrusted with M&Ms for desert, all washed down with an astounding amount of Crown Royale. As eating food in SL is impossible, this would of course be decorative.

-Xayvien recites a poem he is going to write where he uses the word "Festivus" somewhere in the neighborhood of 10-20 times.

-The Airing of Grievances, whereby everyone goes around the table and tells everyone how they've disappointed them during the past year. Given the number of participants, it might save time to either have everyone choose one person to air grievances against, or to simply have the head of the household (i.e. you) air grievances against all in attendance.

-The Feats of Strength, the closing ceremony for a Festivus celebration. The Festivus holiday is traditionally not over until the head of the household (again, you) is pinned in a wrestling match. Given that wrestling on SL is impossible (I think?), this might be better executed with a knife fight or something along those lines.

Should you deem this Holiday unacceptable for formal observation in Titan, I will be left with no choice but to contact the ACLU, who will send lawyers (many of whom are veterans of such successful cases as Christoph Naumova v. Uildiar Kuhn et al. (2008)) and assist me in filing a civil suit against the Ordo on charges of religious discrimination in the workplace.

Very truly yours,

Zrazor Rozenbush, son of Mobiusonemasterchief Rozenbush

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