Joke Thread

[Jester Spearmann]

Post yer jokes here, anything goes bar racist content

- A priest is walking along one day when he crosses in front of a house with a man working on the roof

The man not watching what he was doing accidentally hits his thumb with a hammer and becomes so angry he shouts out, "goddamn it I missed"

The priest, mortified by this tells the man "you know god could strike you dead for saying such a thing"

the man replies "I'd like to see that"

suddenly a bolt of lightning strikes the priest dead then the man hears a booming voice in the sky say "goddamn it I missed"

-A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

-Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms.

The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again ...ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long.

In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard on."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing?"

"I couldn't even get on the f...ing bed

[Keno]

A guy walks into a bar... BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD

[Jester Spearmann]

No go keno, that was not even funny

[Keno]

The Pope was coming to Glasgow for a visit. The Pope was doing a tour of the city in his Popemobile. So this little kid was bit worried that the Pope wouldn't be able to pick him out in the crowd, so his Mum said:

"Don't worry,wear your Celtic shirt and he's bound to pick you out and talk to you".

So, they're in the crowd, but the Popemobile drives past them, and stops a bit further down the street where the Pope gets out and speaks to a little boy in a Rangers shirt.

The Celtic lad is distraught and starts crying. His Mum says:

"Don't worry, the Pope's driving around tomorrow as well, so we'll get you a Rangers shirt and then he's bound to stop to see you".

The next day arrives, and the boy's got on his new Rangers shirt. The Popemobile stops right by him, Pope gets out, bends down and says to the lad:

"I thought I told you fuck off yesterday?"

[Jester Spearmann]

I've heard variations on that one. Thanks keno :P

[Lestat Umarov]

Jester Spearmann wrote:

No go keno, that was not even funny

I disagree! XD

[Keno]

A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman find a wizard on the top of a tall cliff. The wizard orders them to jump off the cliff, but he also promises that if they say anything while falling, they will get it at the bottom of the cliff. So first, the Englishman jumps off the cliff and shouts, "Pillows!" and so he lands on some pillows. Then the Scotsman jumps off the cliff, and he shouts, "Hay!" and so he lands on some hay. Finally the Irishman runs to jump off the cliff, but he trips on a rock just before the jump and says, "Aw, shite!"

Paddy Scotsman, Paddy Englishman and Paddy Irishman were discussing the infidelity of their wives. "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician", said Paddy Irishman, "because I found an electrician's toolbox under her bed last night." "I think my wife is having an affair with a plumber", said Paddy Scotsman, "because last night I found a plunger under her bed". "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse", said Paddy Englishman, "because last night I found a jockey under her bed."

A Scotsman, Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar. Suddenly, a fly dives into their beers. The Englishman says, "Barman, a fly just dove into my beer. Bring me another one." The Englishman got another beer. The Irishman says, "Ah, to hell with it," and empties his pint, fly and all. The Scotsman pulls the fly out of his beer, shakes it up and down, and screams, "Spit it out, damn you! Spit it out!"

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all builders working on a bridge. The Englishman opens his lunch-box and says, "If I get one more tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Scotsman opens his lunch box and says, "If I get one more ham sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The Irishman then says, "If I get one more egg sandwich, I'm going to jump off this bridge." The next day, all three get the same lunch, all three jump off the bridge, and all three die. At their funeral, the Englishman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like tuna." The Scotsman's wife says, "If only I'd known he didn't like ham." The Irishman's wife says, "I don't understand it. He made his own sandwiches."

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar. The Englishman has a sword, the Scotsman has an axe, and the Irishman has a bomb. The Englishman throws his sword out the window and leaves. On his way home, he finds a little boy crying. "Oh, what is the matter, poor child?" "A sword flew out of the sky and it landed on my father..." the boy sobs. The Englishman walks home. The Scotsman throws his axe out the window and walks home. On his way home, he finds a little girl crying "Dear lass, what's the matter?" he asks. "An axe fell out of the sky and it landed on my brother..." The Scotsman walks home. The Irishman throws his bomb out the window and leaves. On his way home, he finds a little boy laughing hysterically. "What's so funny, lad?" he asks. "I farted and my house blew up."

[Jester Spearmann]

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know & love, & asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah,"said the cop "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, " I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand

in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, & then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6ft wide." "And just what do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun & park him behind a bridge........

Traffic Ticket =100

Court Costs =345

Look on the cops face.........PRICELESS!

For everything- else, there's Mastercard!

[Keno]

A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.

The Scotsman man shouts ' Awa ye feel hoor that

[Jester Spearmann]

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

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Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.

The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of mix-up

and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab,

the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now

uncertain which one is your wife's.

Frankly, it's either bad news or terrible news!"

What do you mean?" said Mr. Smith.

"Well, one Mrs. Smith tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other tested

positive for AIDS. We can't tell which is your wife's test."

That's terrible!" said Mr. Smith. "Can we do the test over?"

"Normally, yes. But you're on Discovery Health, and they won't pay for these

tests more than once."

"What am I supposed to do now?" said Mr. Smith

"Discovery recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If

she finds her way home, don't sleep with her."

---------------------------------------------------

GIRLS NIGHT OUT

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 am., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the damn cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him Midnight".

He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh ****.", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

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A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said,"No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to

live".

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a

facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come

in

and change her hair colour. Since she had so much more time to live,

she

figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an

ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had

another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the

ambulance?" God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

--------------------------------------------------------

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have

dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the

girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would

like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so

he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The

pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy

everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms

he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy

insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather

busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and

meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to

meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the

girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace

and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his

head down..

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend

leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you

were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was

a pharmacist..

------------------------------------------------------------

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks,interviews and testing were done there were 3 finalists.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair..Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife."

The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take you wife and go home."

The third man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man. He wiped the sweat from his brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" he said. "I had to beat her to death with the chair."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Women's Poem

He didn't like my casserole

He didn't like my cake.

My biscuits were too hard,

Not like mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like my stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

Was searching for a clue,

Then turned around and smacked him...

Like his Mother used to do.

-----------------------------------------

A guy goes to buy a plane ticket, the girl selling tickets has an incredible set of jugs.

He says, "Give me two pickets to Titsburgh"...the lady socks him a solid shot in the face, giving him a black eye.

He get's on the plane. The guy he sits next to also has a black eye and asks him "I see you have a black eye too, what happened?" Guy proceeds to tell him about the ticket incident. "Relax, pal. We all make Freudian slips like that", he says.

"Just this morning at the breakfast table I meant to say to my wife, `Please pass the sugar honey', but I accidentally said..."

`You f*&^ing bitch, you wrecked my life!"

---------------------------------------------------

Why do blind people hate sky-diving?

It scares the crap out of their dogs

-----------------------------------------------------

A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and

throw it into the river."

And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the

river."

And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and

throw it in the river."

Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"

The preacher sat down. The deacon then stood up. "For our closing hymn,"

he announced;

"let us turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We shall drink

from that river'."

And the congregation happily praised "HALLELUJAH"

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Symptoms of the BIRD FLU...

The Center for Disease Control has released a list of

symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the

following, please seek medical treatment immediately:

1. High fever

2. Congestion

3. Nausea

4. Fatigue

5. Aching in the joints

6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield.

--------------------------------------------------------

When the nurse was bathing a female patient who had been in a coma for many months, she noticed a reaction when placing a sponge between her legs. When the doctor was notified, he called the husband and asked him to report to the hospital immediately. Upon his arrival the doctor explained that the nurse had seen a reaction when her private parts were stimulated. He suggested that the husband should have oral sex with her because it might lead to improvement in her condition. After about 15 minutes the husband came out of her room and announced that she was dead!

"How did that happen?" asked the doctor.

"I think she choked to death," said the husband.

-----------------------------------------------------------

A man runs into a bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and shouts "Gimme all your money or you're geography!" She replies "Don't you mean history?" He says "NO! Don't change the subject!!"

[Keno]

3 guys, 1 Irish, 1 English and 1 Scotch, are walking along the beach one day and come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.

The Irish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity."

So, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlKaZoom" the oceans were teaming with fish.

The English guy was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that nothing will get in for all eternity.

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye "AlkaZoom - POOF" there was a huge wall around England. The Scot asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."

The Scot says, "Ach, fill it up with water."

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were standing looking at a prize cow in a field.

The Englishman says "Look at that fine English cow."

The Irishman disagreed, saying "No, it's an Irish cow."

The Scotsman thought for a moment and then clinched the argument. "No, it's a Scottish cow - it's got bagpipes underneath!"

What do you call six weeks of rain in Scotland?

Summer!

Every Scotsman's fantasy is to have two women....one cleaning, the other cooking...

There were two Scots who bet a pound on who could stay under water the longest. They

[Aelus]

Q: How do can you tell if she liked it?

A: The hormones.

[Agares Tretiak]

My favorite pickup line:

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

[Jester Spearmann]

Agares Tretiak wrote:

My favorite pickup line:

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

I lold

[Amanda Laguna]

Heres hoping Mr. Foxley is listening......

Whats the difference between a mormon and a muslim terrorist?

The mormon wants his 72 virgins NOW.

[Tiridates Mikadze]

Sparta.

[Aelus]

Tiridates Mikadze wrote:

Sparta.

lol'd

[Jester Spearmann]

The Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's

party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.

And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his

clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins,

cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the

bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror

written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in

lipstick: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get

groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.I love you, darling! Love,

Jillian'

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,

steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.His 16 year old son is also

at the table, eating. Jack asks, 'Son.. what happened last night?'

'Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You

fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the

hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked

his son, 'So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I

have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??'

His son replies, 'Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when

she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm

married!!'

>> Broken Coffee Table $239.99

>> Hot Breakfast $4.20

>> Two Aspirins $.38

>> Saying the right thing, at the right time. PRICELESS

My flight was being served by an obviously gay

flight attendant, who

seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served

us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing

down the aisle and

told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to

announce that he'll be

landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely

people, if you could just

put your trays up,

that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this

well-dressed and rather

Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.

"Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute

engines but I asked you

to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can

pitty-pat us on the

ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country,

I am called a

Princess and I take orders from no one."

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied,

without missing a beat,

"Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a

Queen, so I outrank you.

Tray-up, Bitch."

Sometimes these "heartwarming" stories are a bit too sappy for me but

this one is truly interesting...

In 1986, Mikele Mebembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from

Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant

standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so

Mikele approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a

large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he

could, Mikele worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the

elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and

with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Mikele stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually

the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mikele never forgot

that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Mikele was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his

teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the

creatures turned and walked over to near where Mikele and his son Tapu

were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Mikele, lifted its front foot

off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then

trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mikele couldn't help wondering if this

was the same elephant. Mikele summoned up his courage, climbed over the

railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again,

wrapped its trunk around one of Mikele's legs and slammed him against the

railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours

as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and

the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve

the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel

and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step

up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would

shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred -

Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more.

Expect less

NOW ..........Enough of that crap . . . The donkey later came back, and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony

from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite

you. You have two choices...smile and close this page, or pass this along to someone

else to spread the fun.

Old Timers Sex

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."

OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.

Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The Policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them," Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

Love in the mental hospital

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom andpulled Jim out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news.The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

WHAT IS SEX?

An out-of-breath 7 year-old girl ran up to her grandfather, who was tinkering in his workshop, and confronted him with the universally dreaded (by adults) question.

"What is sex...?"

He was surprised she'd ask such a question at her age, but thought if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to get a straight answer. He wouldn't shirk his responsibility. Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to describe for her all the variations of human sexuality he could conjure, careful to impress upon her the joys and responsibilities of intercourse and procreation.When finally Grandpa was done telling all, the little girl stood frozen, as though nailed to the spot, and looked at him with her mouth open, eyes wide in amazement. Seeing she was overwhelmed, he asked what caused her sudden curiosity.His granddaughter shook off her reverie and replied.....................

"Grandma says dinner will be ready in a couple of secs"